Monday, May 25, 2009

Easter Egg #2

I've written a lot of sketches. Here is the first I ever wrote. It has yet to be finished, let alone performed.

The Collector

Fade in lights

Paul sits in a chair ad places pencils in Ziploc Baggies.

Rob enters

Rob: Let’s go! The movie starts in ten minutes!

Paul: Just one second. I need to preserve these pencils

Rob: Ok, but jus…what? What are you doing?

Paul: Preparing my nest egg.

Rob: Saving pencils?

Paul: Rob, I’m a writer. One day I’ll be famous and these pencils, with which I used to write my stories, will be worth lots of money.

Rob: That’s just stupid. Now let’s go!

Paul: I’m just thinking of my future. Hand me that hefty bag will you.

Rob impatiently hands Paul a hefty bag lying on the ground

Paul covers the chair.

Rob gives a what-the-hell-are-you-doing gesture.

Paul: Oh, well, you see…. I sat in the chair while I wrote my novels. This is now a prized collectible.

Paul ties off the end of the hefty bag as Rob picks up a bucket.

Rob: Why do you have a bucket of mud in the house?

Paul: Yesterday I walked in the woods and thought about my next novel. I stepped in some mud. I estimate it’ll sell for 2,000 dollars.

Rob: Paul?

Paul approaches Rob and places a hand on his shoulder.

Paul: Rob? Trust me, ok. I know what the people want.

Paul backs up, giving a puzzled look.

Rob: What’s the matter?

Paul: Give me your shirt. I just touched it

Rob: No, I just paid $30 for this at Nordstrom.

Paul: Rob, I just touched your shirt, it’s now valuable.

Rob reluctantly removes the shirt.

Paul: When it sells for 10 grand I’ll be sure to reimburse you. You can be so selfish.

Rob: Can we please just go now?

Paul: I feel like I’m missing something. The pencil, the chair, the mud, the shirt…. they’re all great, but I need to offer those salivating fans something intimate from my life.

Rob turns his back to Paul.

Rob: Well, what do you feel closest to? What have you gone without for years? What do you cherish?

Paul: You’re right!!

Paul chokes Rob to death

Quietly, and professionally, Paul gets another hefty bag from the ground, and slides it over Rob’s body.

Paul: An author’s best friend. You sir, will be worth some money!

Fade out lights.